Between the Tall Trees

 It's such a beautiful morning with clear blue skies and the sun shining down on me as I sit in my garden and contemplate all of the things. I feel like my brain has been and continues to be this chaotic whirlwind of thoughts, and I am constantly trying to make sense of it all. This has been a common theme in my life as of late, and it's good but also somewhat annoying.  I had a deep conversation last night with someone dear to me regarding faith. We had had a previous chat about it a few days prior, and it left me with more questions than answers. That's surely not a bad thing, and it has stimulated me to continue the thought process of what I know or perhaps what I think I know about my relationship with faith, God, the Universe, or whatever/whoever is out there. This person commented that they have seen some major growth in me regarding my faith journey, and this left me puzzled. Why? Well, I guess I hadn't considered this journey one of growth or regression, and I k...

 It's been a bit since I last wrote. I feel like yet again that life has been and continues to be this whirlwind of emotions and happenings, and I am struggling to keep up at times. I am usually a pretty open and transparent person when it comes to many things. However, when life gets hard, I retreat. I go into some sort of hiding. Hibernation, if you will. I haven't always done this, but it's something I've had to learn through recent years and months. To some degree, I still reach outward, but I am learning more and more to sit with myself and just reach deep within. It's almost like sitting in my closet and becoming still so I can get into touch with my knowing all over again. It's difficult and amazing, and it's defnitely a process.  I cannot and will not get into details as to what I am walking through in life right now, but I can and will tell you that there are a plethora of emotions involved. If you know me, you know I enjoy all things human behavior...

Well, here I am again. Life has been such a chaotic ride lately with a whirlwind of emotions, and I feel like I am struggling to stay caught up. I've been processing so many things in many areas of my life, too. It's been good, but it's also been hard and has caused me to really have to look deeply inward to get a real sense of myself through it all.  I feel like a broken record when I even begin to mention this book, but the message in it has truly been life-changing for me in the past year or so. The book is called, "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle. I read this book last year at the start of the pandemic, and I cannot even begin to tell you how much it helped me to set myself on a path of renewed strength, self-awareness, and self-discovery. In the book, Glennon refers to your "knowing." Your knowing is like your self-intuition to just know what you're supposed to do and then go do the thing...whatever it may be. Some Christians would even compare it to ...

I am sitting in bed right now and feeling super annoyed. I had my whole day planned out, and now it feels like it's been ruined...again. I decided last night to take a detox bath with epsom salts and essential oils. It put me into a peaceful daze, and I fell asleep like a baby. I am pretty sure I slept fine through the night, but I woke up feeling "off." I have no idea if the detox bath triggered something in my body, but it's not going away.  I don't remember if I have mentioned it before on here, but I suffer from fibromyalgia. It's a chronic illness that affects your entire body and can really debilitate you for hours, days or even weeks at a time. It consists of things like (migraine) headaches, gut issues, massive pain in muscles and joints, a foggy brain, poor sleep and many other issues. Fibromyalgia is different for everyone so no person experiences the same symptoms all of the time. There are also flare ups that come out of nowhere and kick your ass, ...

It's Monday morning, and I have been sitting here thinking about what to write because I feel like my brain goes blank every single time I try. There's been so much happening over the past days and weeks, and I just trying to catch my breath. It was snowing this morning quite heavily, and no suddenly sunny and calm. Oh the irony. Life is weird.  This past weekend, I took it easy. I did the necessary stuff, took care of the kiddos and did a whole lot of thinking. I did a bit of self-reflection, and that has proven to be scary at times. After I took a shower yesterday, I went into my bedroom and just looked. Yep. I stood there naked in front of the mirror, under eyes still black from the mascara that I had on the day before, and I just stared. I asked myself what I really love about myself. This has been a struggle for me my entire life, regardless of what the scale has said. I thought about how much I love my emotional side, my intellect, the fact that I am a dreamer, that my AD...

Today has been an "off" day. I don't know why. Well, maybe I do. I guess I don't know what to say or how to say it here. I am currently in bed listening to this sad love song playlist on Spotify and just reflecting on various things happening in my life at the moment. I did this yesterday as well. I actually had a really productive day yesterday, which is great. This same playlist even helped me pass the time while folding and putting away laundry. It was a stellar time, lemme tell ya. You should really try it. Haha.  I just feel like my heart is so fragile and so tender lately. I don't even know what to do with myself and my thoughts. Writing helps, but I still feel a bit stuck right now. I am finding myself in certain situations that I don't want to be in, and I am finding it so hard to find my way out of them. To call these circumstances complicated is an understatement. Everything I dream of feels so far away. I just want to shed happy tears. I just want t...

It's Tuesday morning, and it's been snowing since yesterday. The kids returned to school today after a long Easter weekend. What does this mean? Jess time. Yay! *crowd erupts* Haha, just kidding. I zipped through my house and cleaned all of the things before starting my workout. While plugging away on the crosstrainer, I decided to check out a new (to me) podcast. I have been following this online writing community for women for a bit, and it's been wonderful and just so inspiring. It's called Women Who Roar. So I randonly found the podcast and thought it would be cool to give it a shot since I have been writing so much lately and have big dreams to becomes a published author someday. The title of this particular podcast is called, "Letters to My Younger Self." As I started listening to these women pouring out their heart and soul and sharing all of the amazing, powerful and painful things with the younger version of themselves, I felt my chest begin to tighte...