My Knowing

Well, here I am again. Life has been such a chaotic ride lately with a whirlwind of emotions, and I feel like I am struggling to stay caught up. I've been processing so many things in many areas of my life, too. It's been good, but it's also been hard and has caused me to really have to look deeply inward to get a real sense of myself through it all. 

I feel like a broken record when I even begin to mention this book, but the message in it has truly been life-changing for me in the past year or so. The book is called, "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle. I read this book last year at the start of the pandemic, and I cannot even begin to tell you how much it helped me to set myself on a path of renewed strength, self-awareness, and self-discovery. In the book, Glennon refers to your "knowing." Your knowing is like your self-intuition to just know what you're supposed to do and then go do the thing...whatever it may be. Some Christians would even compare it to the likings of the Holy Spirit. I have had some pretty powerful battles with my knowing as of late. So many things have seemed to get in the way of me listening to my knowing, the number one thing being myself. It's been like this tug o' war to take a moment to get still and to just listen. And sometimes there is more stillness than communication, and often times that stillness has seemed almost overwhelming but has also taught me to be persistent in listening until I hear my knowing speak to me. 

There are so many moments where I feel like it would just be this instantaneous communication where the answers would just start swirling all around me like overly enthusiastic butterflies waiting to land on a flower and partake. Unfortunately, it's just not that simple. However, it's driven me to really look in the mirror and ask myself how badly I want to get to know myself better and really and truly be able to connect with myself instead of walking around with these insecurities overshadowing my head. 

I reached out to a friend of mine today for some support, and she told me so many things that I needed to hear. I responded to what she said by letting it settle and then submitting the thoughts to my knowing for confirmation. I can't even begin to tell you the sense of peace and even joy that rose up in me as I began to contemplate her words. It was exactly what I needed to hear, and I knew it. My knowing sure as hell knew it. I am so thankful for these "aha" moments in life that tend to steer you to the next right thing to do or pursue. 

So now I am in this place of just peace. I am finally learning to surrender to my intuition and follow it because I have what it takes already built inside of me to take on certain situations that may feel daunting or uncomfortable. I know I will be okay as I continue to process stuff. I know that things will work out for my good. I am learning that I can trust myself and be confident in who I am. I am whole, I am lovely, I am worthy, and I am more than enough. I am embracing these truths as I embrace my knowing, and I have already seen some great transformation taking place in my life. I am definitely excited to experience where this road will lead me in the future as I embrace the goodness of living in the "now." It's gonna be good, and it already is good. I am okay, and I am going to be okay.