Between the Tall Trees

Welp, this is it. I am officially 41 years old today. I woke up early this morning, took a nice shower, got myself ready and made my way downstairs to the dining room of the hotel I am currently staying at here in Spain for a few days. After breakfast, I came back up to my room, chatted with my kids, and I just sat. I am still sitting. Pondering, Reflecting. Purging. Contemplating. Emotional. Looking back, looking forward, and trying to stay in the now moment. 40 was quite messy actually. I encountered many truths, and lots of them were painful ones. I started off 40 in probably one of the deepest pits that I had ever found myself in and yet did an emaculate job at hiding it all from the rest of the world. Masks and facades worked great...so I thought. Until I decided that enough was enough and ripped them off one by one by one. And here we are now, a year later... I am not sure what I expected this day to be. I wasn't sure how I might feel when I woke up this morning. Should I be ...

  Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I learn to delight in the day. Sometimes, I meditate. Other times, I take random selfies that I would like to tell you are shameless. They're not. Okay, maybe a little. Purity culture is a bitch. People are bitches. My ego is the biggest bitch. I don't even know. I have been struggling a lot lately with shame. I would also like to think that, through the struggles, I am also healing a bit in this area of my life. I guess time will tell with all of this inner work that I have been doing and continue to keep myself busy with. See the septum piercing? I got that a week and a half ago just because I wanted to. I jokingly told the guy who did the piercing that it's probably some midlife crisis bullshit as I am closely approaching my 41st birthday, but yeah. I had been thinking about it for a while, and, against all odds, I decided to bite the bullet. I consider it a birthday gift from my kids. Haha. It's been quite interesting with...

 It's late at night here in the Netherlands, and this is honestly a prime time for me to write. This is a special time where I am actually able to gather my thoughts and clearly set them out before you all in blog fashion and form. The irony is that not one of my Ritalin pills is active in my system anymore from the day, and yet it just works. So here I am. It's also the night before the Full Moon in Aquarius, which is the last super full moon of this year. I am feeling pretty good actually, all kinds of zen 'n shit after having just had a wonderful time of meditation and journaling. I really do feel good and peaceful. It's a nice change from recent weeks, and I am grateful for how much I am healing, growing, breaking through my own barriers and continuing along this journey of discovering the real me. It's pretty amazing, and I am in awe of all of my findings, especially the ones that scare me.  If you know me, you know that you don't often find me exposing my ...