Flow

Hey again! I know it's been a hot minute since I last wrote. Life has been crazy busy with summer break, travels, and just the day to day happenings that never seem to end or go away. There have been a lot of good things going on, and I am so thankful for it all. I have had some great times with my kiddos, hanging out with friends and family, and I am blessed to be able to celebrate 40 years on this planet as of next week! I feel like that last part has just kind of snuck up on me, and I am like....Oh em gee...I still have some planning to do. Oh yeah, I also have to get some last things situated and purchased before my kids start school in less than two weeks! Yikes! Haha. But that'll have to wait until tomorrow because tonight, I am being lazy, chillin' in bed and eating this amazing Lindt chocolate that my friend gave to me as a gift while visiting her this past weekend in the beloved Germany. And yes I have a "TMI" excuse for eating the chocolate so don't you dare judge me. Anyway, moving on...

Throughout the past several weeks, I have been going to therapy weekly. It's been sooooo good! I cannot even begin to tell you how much breakthrough and progress I've made. The healing that has happened and continues to take place is beyond amazing. I am forever grateful. In general, I have been in a pretty good place actually. Sure, I have had some somber moments, but I know that's all part of life. I no longer shy away from those times because it's those moments that propel me upwards and onwards to greater things that God/Universe has in store for my life. I can say without the shadow of a doubt that I am truly happy and genuinely enjoying my life for the first time in my life. It's only taken almost 40 years, but I guess it's better late than never, right? (Yes, I know I need to work on my comma game. Again, don't judge me.) 

This fall, I have a lot of wonderful things to look forward to as well. I will be traveling back to Germany for my birthday weekend with friends, heading over the Italy for a mini vacay, attending a good friend's wedding, girls' weekend in Germany, and some fun adventures with my kiddos. If you know me, you know that I absolutely love to travel and explore new places and cultures. I love learning about the history of a place as well as observing the customs and traditions of the locals. Traveling is just one of those things that makes me come alive. I have always been one who loves a sense of adventure. If you match that with the fact that I am quite the dreamer, then you will know that it's been quite the winning combination in my life. Life surely is never boring for me, I can tell you that much! I am incredibly grateful that I get to go to such amazing places and be with such wonderful people. I feel so loved and embraced everywhere I go, and that is just the best feeling in the world. 

A couple of weeks ago, Julia came to visit me from Germany. Julia is one of my besties, and we have known each other a long time. She is a fellow Virgo, and we're actually a lot alike. When the two of us are together, you can almost always expect the unexpected. We have a lot of fun together, and we have shared some of life's greatest and most profound moments in each other's company. She has been a rock for me to lean upon in some of my toughest seasons. She's prayed and loved me through so much, and I am just so thankful for her. We had such a great time during her stay here. We were able to be spontaneous since we were both without kiddos for a few days so it was just some good, raw, wholesome girl time. We went to the beach, worked out together, we did some shopping (she made me buy a new shirt for an ungodly sum of money, but luckily I love it!), we ate the yummiest foods, drank some great wine and cocktails, sat by the haven in Rotterdam and watched the sun set while brainstorming new and creative ideas, prayed together, laughed together, cried together and believed for miracles together. Our time together was and still is such a gift. 

I forgot to mention that I went to therapy today actually, and it was just so good. My therapist did an exercise with me, and it was so powerful. There was some definite healing and breakthrough taking place, and I was left sobbing. If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that tears bring forth a release and a sense of cleansing and healing. I was taught as a kid that you need to be tough and not cry so it's taken some years for me to get over that and actually allow myself to be emotional in private not to mention while in the company of others. There is such a deep level of vulnerability that comes forth when we let things go and just allow for that release to take place. Holding it in only makes life harder, and it definitely delays our healing. At least that's been my experience, anyway. 

After I got back from my session, I went back to bed to take a nap. My therapist advised me to take it easy today, rest as much as possible and to stay hydrated as much as possible. I definitely listened, and I am so glad that I did. I really needed that time to just process everything that had happened during my session this morning. I just love how I can find the beauty in my story, in those moments of pain and turmoil and still see that it's all for a purpose. A key word that keeps coming up lately is "flow." I am learning more and more to just go with the flow and not force anything before its time. I am just taking it moment by moment, day by day, and learning to rejoice in the present rather than to focus and stress so much about the future. I can say with all certainty that I am finally living my best life. I am on this journey of self-discovery, and it's been absolutely amazing despite being extremely difficult, painful and confrontational at times. I am learning to embrace it all. It's okay to sit with all of my emotions, also the negative ones, and allow myself to feel it all. I have learned some tools that have and continue to help me to not stay in that place for long and allow my emotions to flow through me and into the foundation of who I am so they, too, can help stimulate further growth and inner healing as I continue on my life adventure. I am happy. I am joyful. I grateful, and life is good. Just let it go, let it flow, and know that it'll all be okay. Love will continue to find me, and I have a beautiful present and also a bright future ahead of me. It's good. It's all good.