A Million Little Miracles

Miracles, signs, wonders. I have become accustomed to hearing these words throughout the years of my evangelical Christian journey, but these are terms that I had hidden away in the back of my mind when I left that faith back in January 2019. It wasn't until recently that these precious words would begin swirling again in my mind and heart. 

It was a Monday morning while I was walking back home from dropping my second and youngest kids off at school. It's literally like a 2-minute walk from my doorstep to the schoolyard so it's more of a skip, hop and a jump, but you get the idea. I almost always follow the sidewalk that follows behind the back entrances of the gardens of my neighbors. While walking back, I was greeted by a neighbor of mine (we'll call her E) who was rustling around with her bicycle to prepare to go pick up groceries. This woman is probably in her 70's, and she and her husband are the sweetest people on the planet. My oldest son used to be in the same class as their granddaughter so we used to see each other regularly since they would regularly babysit her and brother when they were younger. We would always greet one another with a wave and a big smile, occasionally having a small chat. 

Anyway, this woman decided to stop me dead in my tracks. What I thought would be a brief hello turned into a 30-minute deep conversation. She said to me out of nowhere, "I wasn't sure if you knew, but my husband passed away unexpectedly this past January from covid."  No, I didn't know. I had no idea. My jaw dropped in shock. I didn't know what else to say or do other than to offer my deepest condolences and tell her how sorry I was for her loss. We got talking a bit, and she seemed eager to tell her story. I was more than happy to be a listening ear as I sensed she felt comfortable sharing with me. E gave me a brief timeline of what happened that led to his passing. She explained how she had somehow contracted the virus, how he got sick from her, ended up with heavy symptoms, was sent to the hospital only minutes away from our homes, and that would be the place where he would take his last breath. One thing you should know about K (her husband) is that this tall, balding man with glasses was always smiling. The man just beamed joy, light, peace, and happiness. I always enjoyed running into this couple because they just seemed to happy and enthusiastic about life, enjoying the simplest things. It was so beautiful to see. What I didn't know about K until that day was that he suffered from depression, and he also took medication for it. Wow. I again was shocked. I wasn't shocked about the depression. Hell! I have struggled on and off with depression thoughout the years and also used to take medication for that and anxiety a few years ago. There is absolutely no shame in that whatsoever. I find it pretty freaking brave of the ones who know they need support and do what they need to do to get that support. K was such a man. The part that shocked me was how open his wife was about it. If you know anything about Dutch people (yes, I am talking to some of you reading this right now...ha!), then you know that most are quite guarded and careful when it comes to allowing others into their personal lives. Sharing anything about one's personal mental health in Dutch culture is a big deal. I have to say I impressed that she shared with such openness. 

We got talking a bit more, and E asked me what's new with me, how I'm doing, and also how the kids are doing. I shared a little about what I've been up to as well as a bit about my physical and mental health journey since she remarked about my obvious weight less and the fact "dat ik goed bezig was/ben" (that I am doing well with my time since I had my workout clothes on and was on my way home to go nuts on my rowing machine. Haha. I shared a bit about how I know the whole depression thing all too well. So often, we try to hide any and all mental health struggles due to shame and embarrassment, fear of rejection, and the like. She was happy that I shared, and it seemed to give her some comfort that her husband wasn't alone in his stuggles on this earth. 

One thing that especially stood out to me during our conversation was the fact that E mentioned these little signs she kept noticing in regards to her late husband's presence. She said that they have a close knit family, and she is incredibly grateful for their love, care and support. She has been so encouraged and strengthened by these little wonders as well as this knowing in her heart that he is there. She talks to him, kisses her hands and places it on his pillow, and wishes him a peaceful rest each and every night. She feels his warmth when she is sitting in her living room, and she has conversations with him daily as if he is sitting next to her. This gives her comfort, and it's honestly beautiful to me. E mentioned how they're not a religious family at all, but she believes the universe/heaven speaks to her and gives her glimpses of K to let her know he is watching over her and her family and how much he loves them all. I affirmed her in this because this is her process. E is enduring something that you don't wish upon your worst enemy: the loss of a spouse. I could see the hope and peace in her eyes, and she spoke with such conviction and strength. I was inspired. I told her how humbled I am that she decided to share all of this with me and thanked her for her transparency. She encouraged me on my journey as well, and I was deeply appreciative. We agreed that after the summer break, I would come over sometime for a coffee and a chat. She said she would be more than happy to welcome me into her home. We wished one another a great day, and I finished my short walk back home. 

I think part of me is still processing this whole conversation. This woman came to me with such openness and honesty while she hardly knew me beyond a simple wave, smile and hello every so often on the sidewalk or from their kitchen window as I walked by with the kids. I am so thankful that I could be there for her in that moment and could also affirm her in her griving process. Hearing her story has inspired me to look for little miracles in my own life, signs and wonders of how God/the Universe/Heaven is speaking to me on a daily basis. It really is profound and really does cause me to reflect on the vastness of creation and beyond and just really how the whole universe is knit together somehow. I think God knew I needed that conversation just as much as E did. I went home feeling so full, encouraged and enlightened. I know I will surely miss K up on his ladder fixing something on the roof and turning to me with a warm greeting. May he rest in peace, and may his wife and family never stop believing in the power of little miracles all around them that he is always with them in spirit and in heart. 

The following is a song that I have been listening on repeat, especially since my conversation with E:

Excerpt from the song, "Million Little Miracles" by Maverick City Music & Elevation Worship

"I've got miracles on miracles
A million little miracles
Miracles on miracles
Count your miracles
One, two, three, four, I can't even count 'em all"